What is female Sexuality?
by Sarasa Birgid Reviol
Some time ago I discovered a natural birthing video, which depicted birthing as it could be naturally. In this documentary one can see how women give birth to their children in a calm and joyful way, while they surrender themselves to the spiral vortex of the cosmic life energy. At the same time they are relaxing into the physical opening that happens naturally in the birthing process. Some women are giving birth in water and are held by other women. The video has the title: „Birth as we know it“. When I watched this video for the first time, my tears were flowing – and a deep knowing of yes, that's how it can be! There is a deep wisdom inside of us how life can be if we are connected with our origin.
The same is true for the sexuality.
From my work with people as an adviser and body therapist I know that sexuality is experienced in many relationships today as being rather difficult. Quite often I meet couples that do not live their sexuality at all or in dissatisfactory way. Many people nowadays do not find suitable partners and are therefore quite alone.
I have noticed that many women have no longer the desire to let themselves be used by their partner satisfying his needs. Many women have lost the feeling for their own body and do not know what they need for themselves to then be able to move towards their partner. Frequently they expect from the man that HE should know how to make them happy!
Additionally the men are often frustrated and helpless if they cannot land with their woman. This can then lead to the men possibly searching for their own sexual balance in sexual adventures or meeting with prostitutes. I also hear over and over again from couples where the man refuses himself or is just not able to have sex, although the woman would like to share her lust and desire with him. I have worked myself some years in the area of the erotic tantric massages and have met many of these men. They felt disappointed and insecure, because they had tried everything to make it right for their women - without success.
It is necessary that the woman of today is learning to feel herself again, that she remembers old wisdom and learns new about her needs, and how to communicate this with her partner. How do we connect again with our old wisdom as women? With the knowledge that every woman deeply carries within herself about that what is natural and healthy?
Sexuality is vitality. Sexuality is biology. It is a natural urge that serves the reproduction process. Thus we are strongly determined by the impulses of the nature. If we as women reach the menopause, these impulses can become a little bit weaker – at least that was my own experience. When the drive disappears, a new freedom evolves to not need the man and the sex any more. From the reports of some women, we can even before menopause reach to that point. Our own vulnerability therefore becomes more perceptible. Who am I if I do not fit any more as a sexual being in the mating pattern of the man? If I'm not interested any more in the game to attract the attention of men by my female attraction?
My experiences have led me to feel myself as a woman through my body. By connecting with our body and admitting our feelings, we can come into contact with our deeper selves. With that part of us which is REAL and HEALTHY, beyond body, biological mechanisms and the amassed traumas of our life. Supporting us to see through our defense strategies with which we want to protect ourselves from pain, and accepting our vulnerability, thus we can sink deeper into the wisdom being inherent in us.
Somebody said once to me: the body is our "Message Board". The body is like an independent being, it wants to communicate with us, to point to things, which might need our attention.
What does this have to do with female sexuality?
Well, female sexuality that is healthy is a comprehensive sexuality. This sexuality connects body, mind and soul with each other. Which is naturally giving space to our body with its feelings. That gives and allows itself time. This natural sexuality is not achievement-oriented and/or orgasm-oriented. It is heart opening and creates a connection that feeds us, in quite a natural way. Female sexuality is nourishing and deeply adequate because it brings us into balance with all levels of our being. Female sexuality is a sexuality that organically corresponds to our womanhood.
We as women can learn to take our body with this inherent wisdom, within again, we can learn to communicate with our body, to understand the messages that she is sending us, and set them into practice. It seems to be that the world needs more female strength again to come into balance and to experience a healthy state. If we as women want to have a healthy, fulfilling sexuality we cannot wait for the men. We can only begin to become better acquainted to ourselves. To experience ourselves in our wholeness, in our natural womanhood. The body can be a miraculous teacher if we listen to her, if we perceive her messages and the wisdom being inherent within. The body knows what is natural and healthy.
Today many women are on the way to animate the old knowledge again. It is good to know, e.g. that the breasts are playing an important role for woman as our positive pole. Only if we activate the energy in the breasts, our vagina can open in her depth; thus we can experience ourselves as receptive and relax into the opening, which we are as women.
There is a movement of very engaged women that propagates and exercises Yoni massages as a way of the healing the female. Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the female genitals and is chosen because it expresses the admiration and the holiness of this magic place. The Yoni can give access to us into the mystery of womanhood. She is the „gate of the life“.
When I received a Yoni massage for the first time, I was crying. Because it was so nice that this precious, sensitive part of my body was touched affectionately, without a certain purpose. Simply because it belongs to me.
If we connect with the physical place of our femininity, by massage or just by directing our attention to our Yoni, we can connect with the deep wisdom that is inherent in this organ of the femininity. We are able to feel into and heal old traumas and recapture this holy place as the source of our vitality and strength.
Female sexuality is a way of self-determination for the woman. By taking our body in possession, we have won a miraculous tool, a friend and a teacher and we can transmit the knowledge which she provides for us to the man. If we ourselves are healthy, we can invite the man, love and accept him in the way he is and show him what we need. In this way also his deepest longing is being fulfilled.
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